i was away from updating my blog because of final exams. i spent my 24 hours constantly just to study. this was the first time i was actually into studying. before this, i focused on my art projects. so, textbooks and other notes were left behind.
i did think that an art student should balance his or her academic results. so i tried.
i had actually finished reading two textbooks for CTU 101 in three days. other students studied using the notes that their lecturers had given to them but my lecturer didn't distribute any.
so, i used the manual way. and i made simple notes.
alhamdulillah, i was able to do my best during the test. that was the first paper. :)
i proceeded with my art project and i submitted the day after. it stressed me when my classmates and i had to present our artwork in front of 5 lecturers during the assessment. they were some kind of devils from unknown planet. i went home to my hostel with a mixture of sad and happy.
then, i continued to do my last art project for FND 101. i had to do sculpture. the paperwork was killing me! 30 ideas with 4 analytical drawings! and 3 sculptures! fuh! i heard that my last was the only class that had to do 3o ideas. the others, they only had to do lesser than ours.
this final project gave me thousands of mood and i felt like fainting. this was the baddest, the most stress and etc that's negative. i spent 4 days and three nights to finish the project. i had to walk out of campus to buy the things for the task and it reached almost a hundred!
24/7 of hunching in front of the final. i didn't have the feel to sleep or eat. sometimes i ate twice and sometimes once a day. i got to actually lay in my bed, was for only an hour.
it hurt me so bad and i cried in pain during my shower. i hated it when i thought about not getting to sleep and eat like i wish during the process of c0mpleting the task.
"there's no turning back, Aini. there's no.....turning back."
my heart and my mind kept on telling me those words. i breathed out. i looked at my hands which were on my sculptures and i shook my head. yes, there was no turning back in that situation.
i had to beg my roommates to help me with the project. i asked them to tape my paperwork and cut and paste the titles while i did my other drawings. thank you so much, they lessened my burden.
i didn't get the chance to eat at all that day and i straight away went to submit my work. my heart was slapped so hard as i saw other students' work.
their paperwork were so neat and tidy. and the ideas were very creative. me? i was so ashamed with my work. but i was a bit happy that i was able to finish on time.
i was dissatisfied with this final project. it wasn't my best work. i stood at a corner and began to think about what was wrong with me. i was beginning to become worse.
i was so sad when two of my classmates' work were picked to be one of the faculty's collection. i quickly went back to my room after the assessment ended. i reached for my cell phone and called my dad.
he gave me the best advice ever.
"Everyone has the advantage to make mistakes."
i node down. it was 100% correct. i couldn't always be the best. sometimes, i could make mistakes, right?
okay, i will do my best to be among the best during next semester. you'll see me rising. :)