i admit that i'm the weakest in making decision. before yesterday, i was so sure to go with my diploma, but yesterday, after getting to know a person from my batch that had applied for fast track, i immediately changed my mind. and that very evening, i asked my big sis to drop me by at BSN to buy the pin number.
but when i got home, my family gathered to have tea together and we spoke again about this shit. and since my dad preferred for me to continue diploma, i started to considering for final answer.....again.
to be honest, during every single second, i thought about it. even during having a shower, cooking, onlining, eating, watching the tv and etc....but still, it won't go for an end.
so, i decided to not think about it, and just go on with my routines. and i wanna it pass tomorrow, which is the last date for the application. then, i can finally breathe out. and it means that i'm taking diploma....simple as it is.
actually, the thing that i'm scared of if i take diploma is missing my best friend and roommate. she helped me a lot since freshman. we went out together to have lunch or dinner. we went for outing together. she liked what i liked. she was what i was. we trolled together like crazy in our room. she told me secrets that she couldn't tell to others because she trusted me. and vice versa.
if she wasn't in the room, i would go mute even though there were my other roommates. but, she'll be taking fast track. i hope she gets it. i'll support her to the end. :)
and without her, i'll be a coward to live in campus life. i don't know what will happen next semester. i really wish i can do better.
this is for my own good too when i think about it for countless times. taking diploma until i graduate is my dream. so i have to pursue it. not dumping it. it's better to know myself for more before stepping up for higher level. i know i'm not that great but i'm trying to be one. :D