i came back to Perak to register as a 04 student on 20th November. i was excited to start the new semester. but when it was already night, i became sad. because?
the roommates that i was having were two people who seldom spoke. even though one of them was my last sem's roommate, i still couldn't get along with another roommate. the room i was living consisted of three people including me. my usual roommate and friend decided to go for fast track so the actual place for her was replaced by my ex-neighbour when i was in part one.
i was not that close with her. and i didn't like silence to happen in the room. that didn't motivate me to go on with my dorm life and faculty life. she didn't get college so asked to stay with us for a while.
this whole week was terrible. i didn't eat like i used to and i spent most of my time reading novel on my bed. i didn't even unpack my things. the surrounding was not cheerful. all were seniors. my favourite neighbours were all at third floor. i envied them.
on first day of class, i had no feeling to be happy. i just got myself clean, ate three biscuits and fresh water and walked to my class like nothing much happened. in the class, other classmates were chatting like they had been separated for years. but me?
i just sat there and scribbled on my notebook. when any of my classmate talked to me, i responded but preferred for it to end quick so i just put on a weak smile at the end. i was like this for the next classes.
when i got back to my room, all i did was reading the novel. my laptop was left in the locker since the day i settled in the room because i didn't feel the need to open it even though i had downloaded so many k-pop videos before.
to entertain myself, i went upstairs and spent time with my used-to-be neighbours by watching movies. sometimes i had to ask them out to eat together....but not with roommates. it was a rare thing to do by me.
i was the usual loud girl during part one until part three. in the room or class, that's me. i felt like i could taste the sweetness of campus life.
i began to taste the bitterness.
when i tried to get along with any girls in my class, usually with groups, at first, it was cool. but then, they tended to let me fade away. because the gossips or stories they talked about were the things i didn't know. it only happened around them.
i wanted to save money for this semester so i didn't want to top-up my cell phone credit. so, the result was, i couldn't call my old time friend or even favourite friend to let loose. i felt guilty when they had to call me because i won't call them.
when all these things were happening to me, i cracked out crying while praying to Allah SWT. so, i decided to go home this weekend to rest my body. thank goodness, i celebrated Maal Hijrah with my family yesterday in peace. and while my dad and my little bro were reading the prayer, i had been thinking lots of things.
new year, meant a whole new person.
so, i indulged myself with assignments these days and feeling back a bit of confidence.
a whole new person....
i may not be the loud girl like i used to.....but i may be someone who have been crying because i have kept it for too long....because i have been too strong before...it's time for me to give it up and just be a simple girl.
that's all for now............thanks blog.