the year 2011 is the second worst year i ever had after 2009. i had to endure so many things until the phrase of giving up always playing in my mind all this time. but it makes me stronger.
1. bad conflicts happened between classmates
- it occurred when i was in part 2. friendships between girls and boys in my class literally broken out of the blue. the boys hated us. and we hated them. the bond that we made during freshman vanished just like that. and you know what? it still happening until now.
2. my true self came out
- i never thought that i will make others hate me when i'm mad as i started campus life. i wanted to be a good girl. but things got worst as time passed by. with those though assignments to make and with those attitudes of people around me, no wonder that i showed my inner self. i knew they were hurt but that's the only way for me feel better and to improve myself.
3. money is like water
- 100% correct. for the rich students out there, they probably won't have to care much about money. but as for me, an ordinary girl living in regular lifestyle, money is my top priority. i had to buy lots of materials for my course and sometimes i didn't have the money for myself. and i had to skip whether one or two meals a day. no more snacks. and i had to limit with the food that i take in a plate. and i lost weight.
4. tears is my counselor
- i admit that i'm sensitive. i'm very sensitive when it comes to family, relationship and my surroundings. when i can finally relieve myself with campus life without being homesick, sometimes i shaded tears when my campus life pushes me harder and harder each semester.
5. i lost my 1st bestfriend
- i never had a bestfriend since i was a child because my family always move from one place to another. Shah Alam->Pahang->Negeri Sembilan->Shah Alam. and so i didn't have a bestfriend. but i did when i start college. she's a neighbour at first and her class sometimes combined with my class during part 1. later, she's my roommate until part 3. but then, she decided to pursue fast track and i lost her. it's so sad. i can't even tell.
6. miss president
- i was crowned as miss president last month and i was already in part 4. i didn't want that title but people voted for me. what can i say? i just needed to walk the talk as much as i could. but people took advantages towards me since i'm a girl. only a quarter came to my meeting and event. when i wanted to make something happen, they bashed me through facebook. i got scolded with my faculty's technician, other departments' lecturers, janitors, and even police in my campus.
- as i was too tired, i just nodded to what they said because whenever i wanted to defend myself, they cut me off. with all those things happened to me, i couldn't catch up with my own assignments and i skipped one class just to make the homework for that evening. and my work was not that good anymore and the lecturers began to question me about being a president.
-to handle an event, even though that one day, i had packed classes, i still came down to settle with the event. and i did not eat, bathe or anything else to pamper myself. but some people under me did not give the help that i want. they babbled about how they were and how hungry they were but they did not know how i was.
- with only three weeks of bad scenes happened to me since i got the title of president, i did crack up crying. alone. at the stairs while watching the sun set and listening to music. my hands shivered. and i knew, my body told me to let loose. my body couldn't hold anymore. but i had to finish my assignments. and my face went white because of lack of sleep, meals and rest. only Allah SWT knew my position that time.
7. people who are my friends, seems like none now
- my classmates began to make me feel isolated. i had to follow their tails to entertain myself but they even though they let me, sometimes they pushed me away. the same thing goes to my new roommates. even though they knew me since part 1 and this semester, they were my new roommates...things didn't go well.
- the two of them always did things together without me. they talked only with each other. i knew i was busy all the time but that didn't mean they can just turn me into a stranger. i can be a silent person if this thing kept on going. i had no one to enjoy with.
1. i became a stronger person. i told myself not to cry in front of the person that scold me like hell.
2. i will need to be delicate as a president.
3. if there's no one to endure with me through out the semester, i decided to play with myself. i am with my own world.
i believe that Allah SWT is judging me with so many obstacles this year onwards. and i know, there's always 'hikmah' behind all these.
P/S: i can't believe i'm crying while typing this entry. sorry.....