finally, i come to drop my feelings here....after a long hiatus....the thing that is happening right now makes me so sad and is heartbroken by every aspect.
tomodachi means friend...
chingu means friend...
kawan means friend...
everyone has a friend. not just 'a', but more. some of them have a best friend and some of them have more than just a best friend.
to me, best friend is one in a million. it's a subject that you should treasure just like your personal things. but this best friend is more imperative. you can't just throw it like ruthless thing. best friend is a human being. a person. it has heart, feelings.
when i started to know the outside world at the age of four, i had so many friends.....
but NO best friend
my family always move from a state to another while growing and because of that, i never have a best friend.
when i enter campus life, i begin to believe that i'm going to have a best friend. almost. but things don't go around like i want it to be. that friend went to study in a different state. i was alone for a semester. and learned how to survive....
then, i tried to find friends. and almost ended up having a best friend.
we went everywhere nearly together
we shared our thoughts
we shared our laughter and pain
we kept our secrets safely
because we trusted each other
i write the verbs into past tense because those things do not happen anymore like it used to now...
just because of a fault that the friend assumed i did to it, that friend would not want to speak to me. and so i apologized to that friend and asked the reason why it didn't want to talk to me. but only silence that i received. i was puzzled. i thought it's for one day.
but what happens now? it's been two weeks. two weeks without that friend talking to me or admonish me. i'm trying to be positive towards it. but that friend is negative towards me.
after this whole thing strikes me out of the blue, i pray to Allah SWT, asking why. why? why? and why? is it because i'm such a bad friend? i'm neither good enough to be a best friend nor have a best friend.
but hikmah is always there and i know Allah is always there with me. perhaps He wants to show to me that 'the friend' is not good for me and i deserve a better one. and i hope it comes true.